Mindful decision-making

The most important thing to remember is that nothing can enter a space that's already full. —Helen Berliner

Is it not possible to disagree without feeling negativity towards those with whom one does not agree . . . ? In Buddhism, attitudes and intentions, mental rather than physical events, are more fundamental than physical acts, because they are what lead to physical acts...[Developing an attitude of gentleness] requires training our minds and taming our aggressive tendencies and urges toward feelings of superiority. If our Buddhist spiritual disciplines do not lead to such taming, what are they good for? —Rita Gross

And these observations are from Pema Chodron's book Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

From the chapter Communication from the Heart. All activities should be done with one intention.This one intention is to awaken bodichitta, to awaken the heart. We could say, All activities should be done with the intention of communicating. All activities should be done with the intention of speaking so that another person can hear you, rather than using words that cause the barriers to go up and the ears to close. In this process we also learn how to listen and how to look.

There is an extremely pointed slogan that goes along with All activities should be done with one intention.: Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment. Instead of the resentment being an obstacle, it's a reminder. Feeling irritated, restless, afraid, and hopeless is a reminder to listen more carefully. It's a reminder to stop talking: watch and listen.

...If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us . It's best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don't know what will happen next or what we'll do...

The point is not that you're trying to achieve harmony or smooth everything out. Good luck, if that's your goal. The point is to live together on this earth with our differences, to communicate, for its own sake. The process is the main thing, not the fruition. If you achieve your goal with aggressive tactics, nothing really changes anyway.

From the chapter The Big Squeeze

Today's slogans are instructions on how to communicate from the heart. The emphasis is on how to keep one's heart open for the juiciness and richness of the big squeeze. One of the slogans is, Whichever of the two occurs, be patient. Whether it is glorious or wretched, delightful or hateful, be patient. Patience means allowing things to unfold at their own speed rather than jumping in with your habitual response...The real happiness that underlies both gloriousness and wretchedness often gets short-circuited by our jumping too fast into the same habitual pattern.

Patience is not learned in safety. It is not learned when everything is harmonious and going well. When everything is smooth sailing, who needs patience? If you stay in your room with the door locked and the curtains drawn, everything may seem harmonious, but the minute anything doesn't go your way, you blow up. There is no cultivation of patience when your pattern is just try to seek harmony and smooth everything out. Patience implies willingness to be alive...